


When I Think Of All The Places I Just Don't Belong

by mrfreddyjones



Series: Thallen Fall Week 2015 [4]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Blood, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Violence, Voyeurism, thallenfallweek2015
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-29
Updated: 2015-10-29
Packaged: 2018-04-28 18:32:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5101319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrfreddyjones/pseuds/mrfreddyjones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You know where you are,” The Voice replied, much to Eddie’s surprise. It sounded like nobody, and like everybody. Iris, Barry, Eobard, himself even. Like God and the Devil and everyone in between.<br/>“I’m dead” he said, another statement. “I died.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i. like walking into a dream

**Author's Note:**

> Written for day four of Thallen Fall Week: October 29: Supernatural AU. My choice of supernatural theme is the afterlife.  
> Somewhat inspired by the Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri.  
> Spoilers for Season One, and sort of for Season Two.  
> Warnings for canon character death, alternate character deaths, blood, violence, voyeurism, implied sex (both m/m and m/f).  
> Titles for the story and for the first chapter from the song Afterlife by Avenged Sevenfold.

Eddie Thawne woke with jolt, his entire body spasming for a moment. Gone were his bloody clothes, replaced by a surprisingly comfortable sharp white suit, and gone was the burning pain in his chest. Surrounded by darkness, he was nowhere and everywhere. He felt infinite and growing, his entire being burning like the sun and expanding like the universe.

“Where am I?” he asked the nothingness, not really expecting an answer. _I’m alone_ , he thought, and it wasn’t a lament. It was a statement.

“You know where you are,” The Voice replied, much to Eddie’s surprise. It sounded like nobody, and like everybody. Iris, Barry, Eobard, himself even. Like God and the Devil and everyone in between.

“I’m dead” he said, another statement. “I died.”

“Yes” The Voice sounds like it’s nodding – or at least like it would be, if it had a body.

The nothingness around him was shifting; he could feel it moving, _breathing_. There was ground beneath his feet now, and he no longer felt eternal.

“I died, and now… I’m here.” It didn’t sound like a question, but it was one none the less. “Because…?”

“You failed” The Voice replied, an almost cruel edge to it.

“It didn’t work?” He turns around, half-expecting The Voice to be behind him. There’s no-one there.

“It did. You have successfully erased Eobard Thawne from existence.” The Voice has changed now, and it no longer sounds like God. It no longer sounds like anything. “And in doing so, you have created a paradox. The paradox has created a black hole. Everyone is dead, and everyone has survived. The singularity is closed and still open, it’s happening right now and centuries ago, and never, and always.” Eddie swallows thickly at that. “The possibilities were so great an infinity of new words were created to fulfill them. They’re all the same until the singularity, and then they’re all… Singular.”

“Where am I?” Eddie stepped forward, towards nothing.

“You are everywhere, and nowhere.” The voice stated, simply. “You are in every one of these worlds, and in none of them. You are inside the Singularity, you _are_ The Singularity.”

His heart was racing. The burning was back, and so was the blood. “I’ve got to go back” he said, voice a mere whisper, and then louder, impossibly so. “I’ve got to go back!”

“You cannot” The voice explained, almost mechanical.

“I’ve _got_ to!” he shouted at the darkness, fists clenched by his sides. Sweat dripping from his face.

“Okay,” The Voice says, simply, and it doesn’t sound so powerful anymore. It doesn’t sound vast or infinite, or like God or the Devil. It sounds like a voice with a body, with a face. More so, it sounds like a voice with a face Eddie never wanted to see again.

He turns around slowly, almost afraid of what he’ll find. Of what he does find. Harrison Wells. No, not Harrison Wells – much like the last time Eddie saw him, the man _looks_ like Harrison Wells, but here Eddie knows, he knows from the start, who the man truly is. “You’re dead”

“ _You_ are dead,” Eobard says, stepping forward. His tone is unchanged – peaceful, calm. Restrained. “Eobard Thawne was never born”

“You refer to yourself in the third person, now?” Eddie scoffs.

“Oh, I’m not him” Eobard, or whoever that may be, smiles, almost pleasantly, but there’s something in his eyes, a darkness, deeper than the one surrounding them. The man is void. “This is just a face I knew you’d respond to.”

“And who are you?” Eddie frowns.

“Your guide” Eobard responds, simply.

“And where are we going?” Eddie steps forward now, towards the man he erased from existence. Around them, the world changes once again. The darkness gives place to a fog, smothering everything but them, and the path in front of them.

“To Hell” 


	2. ii. his lips like tangerines

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is this Hell?” he asks, turning to Eobard, and only then does he realize they’re in a car now. It feels strangely familiar.   
> “It is to you,” Eobard answers, and just as Eddie is about to ask another question, there’s a blur of red and lightning, and Eddie is on the pavement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Coming Down by Halsey.   
> This is the chapter with all the violence.

The path is tortuous, hard, and cold – if AC/DC was on to something with their _Highway To Hell_ , Eobard doesn’t tell him. There is nothing but them and the rough path for a long while, but then there are other voices. Whispers, glimpses. Eobard says they’re nobody, and everybody; long-forgotten sinners and failed saviors, fallen heroes and rising villains. There are images then, in the fog. Vigilantes, heroes, and villains. Faces he’s seen, faces that are still to come. The path has become a road at some point, sand turning to asphalt, and the fog gave place to a city.

To Central City.

“Is this Hell?” he asks, turning to Eobard, and only then does he realize they’re in a car now. It feels strangely familiar.

“It is to you,” Eobard answers, and just as Eddie is about to ask another question, there’s a blur of red and lightning, and Eddie is on the pavement.

He remembers it now. The Flash is standing right in front of him, towering over him, and Eddie’s heart skips a beat. “Barry,” he says, voice small, and the entire thing is different now – different knowing the man behind the mask.

“How _dare_ you?” Barry shouts, and his voice sounds powerful. It fills the night, it’s everywhere and nowhere. It sounds like The Voice first did, but _more_. The speedster kneels over him in a heartbeat, holding the detective by his shirt, and one gloved fist connects with Eddie’s jaw. “How _the fuck_ dare you?!” Barry asks again, a cry into the starless night.

There’s another punch, and another, and yet another. Barry’s arm gains speed, and the punches grow stronger. Eddie’s mouth fills with the metallic taste of blood. He knows what Barry is talking about, of course. He knows everything. Everything that’s happened, everything that is still to happen. Everything that is always happening. Perhaps it is all happening in his head.

“I couldn’t-” Barry punches him in the jaw. “-even-” another one. “-say-” Barry’s hands wrap around the blonde’s throat. “-goodbye!”

The city is gone now, as is the fog, and Eobard, and the Flash costume. There is only Eddie, and Barry, and the blood, but he can’t taste it anymore. And then the burning pain is back. _Oh no_.

“Eddie. No no no no no no, Eddie, please! Don’t do this! Don’t- Don’t die on me!” Barry chokes out the words, his hands are shaking. He’s trying to stop the bleeding but there is just so much blood.

He’s watching it from the outside, but when he speaks, his voice comes from the Eddie that’s lying on the ground, dying. “I’m sorry, Bar” he offers a weak smile. “I- I wanted to be a hero”

Barry is crying, and so is Eddie – the Eddie who’s watching from the sidelines. “I didn’t _want_ you to be a hero!” Barry sobs, face buried on the detective’s chest, staining his face with the blonde’s blood. “I wanted you to be-”

The scene disappears entirely, blowing off like smoke right in front of his eyes. There is nothing once again, but then there is something else. There is chaos, sirens and smoke and screams. And bodies, so many bodies, scattered all around. Caitlin and Cisco and Joe, even Cold and his gallery of Rogues. In the middle of it all, Barry, bloody and beaten, on his knees, his Flash costume torn. In front of him, with Iris’ head crushed beneath his feet ( _Oh my God,_ he felt sick to his stomach), a man, like the Man In Yellow, but his costume was dark blue with his hand on the Scarlet Speedster’s throat. “Please,” Barry begs, and he sounds so broken. Without a word, the Man in Blue tightens his grip, and Eddie can feel it – on his hand, and on his throat. He can feel Zoom (he doesn’t question _how_ he knows the Man in Blue’s name) crush the life out of Barry Allen. It feels worse than dying himself.

Barry’s body falls to the ground with a thud, and so does Eddie to his knees. Zoom, standing victorious, turns to him, looks directly into his soul, and he freezes.

It’s him. 


	3. iii. Out Of The Question For The Dead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What comes after Hell?” Eobard leaned forward, as if studying the man in front of him.   
> Eddie contemplated it for a moment. “Purgatory”  
> “Bingo” the Man in Yellow leaned back on what was apparently now his chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Today’s Supernatural by Animal Collective.   
> This chapter references the song Two Become One by the Spice Girls  
> There are references to f/m sex in this chapter, but nothing explicit.

“Well, _that_ was dramatic”

The world has changed in front of him once again. Gone is the battlefield, and Zoom, and the darkness; replaced by the familiarity of the station. He’s at work. “What the fuck was that?”

Eobard Thawn is sitting in front of him, at what should be Joe’s desk. “That was hell,” he says, simply. “What, did you expect it to be a walk in the park? There’s a reason why people associate it with bad things, you know”

Eddie frowned. “And where am I now?”

“What comes after Hell?” Eobard leaned forward, as if studying the man in front of him.

Eddie contemplated it for a moment. “Purgatory”

“Bingo” the Man in Yellow leaned back on what was apparently now _his_ chair.

“Eddie,” another voice echoed through the mostly-empty building, and it sounded like Iris. In fact, looking at the voice’s general direction, Eddie saw that yes, it was Iris. And she was alive and well. He smiled for a second, but then his face dropped. Because Iris was alive and well and, apparently, with Barry Allen.

Their surroundings changed again. They were at CC Jitters now, the three of them sharing a table, and Barry and Iris had their fingers connected. She was laughing at something Barry had said, and he was the third wheel. “I love you, Iris” Barry said, but his eyes were looking at Eddie. “I’ve always loved you”

“I love you too, Barry,” she replied, her eyes also on Eddie’s. “You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

They were no longer at CC Jitters.

They were in a room now, a place that Eddie recognized as both Iris’ bedroom and Barry’s bedroom – it took a moment for him to understand that it was _their_ bedroom. He was standing in the corner, invisible, and incorporeal. Dead to the world, hidden in a dimension between the ones that are known. Iris and Barry were on the bed, and he wanted to look away, but he couldn’t.

He watched the two people he loved the most love each other, in a way that felt wrong. In a way that felt like they were taunting him. His best friend and the one he loved, entwined in silly games and empty words, minds free of doubt and anger, setting free their spirits in a way that felt like it was just for him, but also not for him at all.

The scene changed again, and they were back at the station, and it’s day again, and Barry is smiling at him by the elevators. The brunette reaches into his pocket, retrieving a black velvet box containing a ring, and beautiful ring, that Barry says belonged to his grandmother, and Eddie’s heart is racing, but then Barry is looking somewhere behind him, and there’s Iris, and his face falls because he knows Barry is asking _her_ and not _him_ and he realizes why he’s seeing these things.

He realizes he asked _her_ and not _him_ and that he’s got _his best friend_ and _the one he loves_ mixed up the whole time.

He realizes he needs to get back to Barry Allen.


	4. iv. Time Can Bring You Down, Time Can Bend Your Knees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Welcome to Heaven,” the Man in Yellow smiles, and he sounds so cheery it makes Eddie’s skin crawl. This is going to be the worst one, he knows it. To get out of here, to get back, he must get out of _here_. He must walk away from what he didn’t even know was what he’d always wanted. “Where you can have all that you could’ve had”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Tears In Heaven by Eric Clapton.   
> This chapter references the songs Experiencia Religiosa by Enrique Iglesias and Like A Prayer by Madonna.  
> There are references to m/m sex on this chapter, but nothing explicit.

Eddie Thawne woke with jolt, his entire body spasming for a moment. The warm sunlight was bathing his skin, and the soft cotton sheets draped around him might feel delightful, but they are not what make him smile – no, that would be the warmth from the slender arm thrown over his chest, or the tired grunt when he startles. “Barry,” he whispers, and it isn’t a question. He doesn’t need confirmation. Barry grunts something at him, and it sounds like nothing, but it is everything.

“Lovely, isn’t it?” Eobard asks, and Eddie feels his stomach drop. The man is standing in the corner, the same corner where he stood before – when he watched Barry with Iris. This means- Of course it’s not real. The first taste of happiness he’s gotten since his death, it _couldn’t_ be real. First hell, then purgatory, and now- “Welcome to Heaven,” the Man in Yellow smiles, and he sounds so cheery it makes Eddie’s skin crawl. This is going to be the worst one, he knows it. To get out of here, to get back, he must get out of _here_. He must walk away from what he didn’t even know was what he’d always wanted. “Where you can have all that you could’ve had”

“It’s no good if it isn’t real,” he said, glaring at his guide, but then-

“Who are you _talking to_?” Barry raised his head, his hair a beautiful chaos, pointing in all directions.

_He can’t see him_ , he thought, and it was the first time it occurred to Eddie that nobody had acknowledged Eobard but him, that entire time. “No one,” he said, turning to the side. He knew it wasn’t real, and he knew he had to go, but he still wanted to look at it. He still wanted to see what Barry looked like in the morning. “Look, I’ve got to-”

“No. Uh-hm” Barry grunted, scooting closer and burying his face on Eddie’s chest. Eddie winced, remembering the image of Barry holding his dead body on his arms.

“Bar, I’ve got to get to the station-” Eddie tried again.

Barry cracked one eye open, raising his head just enough to glance at Eddie’s face. “What?”

“You’re an architect” Eobard called from the corner, shrugging, and Eddie was surprised by that. _I’ve always wanted to be an architect._

“Nevermind, I- I had a dream” he said, with a chuckle. It was a clear lie, but he couldn’t bear telling Barry the truth. He couldn’t bear telling Barry he was going to leave him again, even though he knew this wasn’t _really_ Barry.

Something shifted on Barry’s eyes, still, and in a flash, the other was on top of him. The sheets were on the floor, and what followed was a religious experience on its own. Hell and Purgatory had been fragments, bits and pieces seen from outside of himself; but heaven, heaven was a whole. It was the closest thing to being alive. Barry showed him infinity, the sun on the darkest night. Each breath turned silence into melody, Barry’s touch feeling like resurrection; his body Eddie’s own ascension to heaven.

“It isn’t real,” Eddie cried out, back arching under Barry’s touch.

“It feels real,” Barry’s voice was like an angel’s sigh. “Let me take you there” he purred against Eddie’s ear, and the blonde closed his eyes, falling out of the skies, coming undone by Barry’s hand.

Barry’s slender frame fell on top of Eddie’s, his body warm and soft, comforting, and for a moment, Eddie forgot about Eobard in the corner of the room.

“I won’t force you to stay,” Barry said, his breath warm against Eddie’s chest. “If you really want to go back there, I’ll let you. But you won’t be able to get back. You’ll never get this back” his voice was small, guarded, almost hurt. “It’ll be over before you know it, and then it’ll never be like that again. It’ll not be like anything you’ve seen so far.” The brunette looked up, hazel eyes staring deeply into blue ones. “It’ll make you wish for what you’ve seen so far”

“But it’ll be real,” Eddie whispered.


	5. v. 'Til Forever, On It Goes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neither of them had aged a day, and not a single day had passed – every day was a lazy Sunday, of warm sunshine morning and starry night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title from the song Have You Ever Seen The Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival.

It’d been hundreds of years, or maybe thousands –hundreds of thousands? Time passed differently in Heaven. Neither of them had aged a day, and not a single day had passed – every day was a lazy Sunday, of warm sunshine morning and starry night.

They did everything together, from sharing meals to watching the night sky for shooting stars. They made plans, of adopting children and moving away from Central City, away from the danger and chaos of metahumans and superheroism. They would never be fulfilled, but Eddie still believed that one of these days it’d be a Monday. There were no crisis, no dangers, no obligations. It was only them, there was only Barry Allen and Eddie Thawne, frozen in time.

Sometimes, there was also Eobard Thawne. The Voice hadn’t spoken to Eddie since he chose to stay, but sometimes he still was around, watching from the distance – although that had become less and less frequent over the past millennia. The less he thought about going home, the less he saw of Eobard. And, after a while, he’d forgotten about the singularity. He’d forgotten about Hell and Purgatory, about danger and metas.  In fact, most days, he’d forgotten about everything, but those lazy Sundays.

Because Eddie was happy, and so was Barry, and that was real enough for him. 


End file.
